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[21 Aug 2009 | 4:43pm] |
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1) Happy birthday Jenna <3
2) Not reading the comments to cataclysm anymore, it's like fckn talk radio as one of my old guildmates just said on msn. I'll just be over here refreshing mmo and squeeing.
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| I... |
[08 Aug 2009 | 11:13pm] |
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Owe comments, phone calls, emails. My phone isn't working so I haven't bothered to top it up.
I have been busy in the daylight, and in the evenings I sleep on my couch, in the only dry and cool room in my apartment, looking at the tiny spiders on the ceiling. I was the sheets on my bed twice a week to prevent mildew. I think about my grandmother, and how we made her bed and I marveled at the yellow woolen blanket she has on it, even in summer. That blanket is twenty years old, I thought, and it's in perfect condition. I admire her care of items.
I am listening to In Rainbows because i have the blues today. It's August, my hated month, and for some reason in this quiet apartment with the doors and windows open in the rare summer dryness I need Radiohead to make me feel ok with the blues, the mean reds.
I really hate tonight, for no apparent reason.
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[25 Jul 2009 | 8:06am] |
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It makes me angry when someone so GOOD can pass away with barely a blip on the radar. Father Bill (Fr. William McCarthy) did more good in his lifetime than I can even comprehend. He had a huge, generous heart, and he was there for EVERYONE, strangers and parishoners alike. His kindness and support when my mother died, when my grandfather died were actual gifts. What he has done for the homeless in the creation of Father Bill's Place (as well as thousands of smaller acts that went unheralded, because that's who he was) is priceless. And yet when he died yesterday, it was barely remarked.
And he struggled with depression, because he was human. And his struggle and his belief made him more human to me. I can still hear his voice in my head saying mass, all those accumulated Sundays resonating.
I don't particularly care what people believe, how they feel about religion or god or life. I don't even know how I feel or what I believe. Organized religion has been the root of many unspeakable acts. But it has also been the root of so many things that have made teh world better. Father McCarthy was one of them.
I don't know why I woke up so angry this morning. it's the kind of day where I just want to beat something up.
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[23 Jul 2009 | 2:04am] |
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Now THAT is a party (about 20 more people were out front, and maybe 10 were playing volleyball on the lawn).
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| new Goal |
[30 Jun 2009 | 2:54pm] |
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Listen to whole albums, over and over again, especially new ones, especially when driving. I miss listening to a whole cd on repeat, falling in love with new songs... Instead of instantly deciding i like one or two and adding them to whatever mix I'm using on itunes.
Yeah.
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| Dear Body |
[22 Jun 2009 | 6:48pm] |
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Dear body,
I am aware that I am the age you consider baby-makin' age. I can deal with going all soft when I see babies, ok. I want kids someday, I can deal. But, I am sick of dreams of being pregnant. Plz desist.
Please.
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[19 Jun 2009 | 1:49am] |
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It's raining again. Again. For the millionth time this June, which is barely an exxageration. No lie, I feel like I've been listening to fat old raindrops dripping from eaves and windowsills for months now.
I like the rain.
I'm a little tired of it.
I do love how warm and comfortable my bed is, though, still with the winter bedding on. And maybe the rain makes me move a little slower...
I found my summer pond today, too. Swimming time, once this nonsense clears up.
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[16 Jun 2009 | 4:33pm] |
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I am determined to start blogging again, and what's more, to start responding to people's entries again.
I had a revelation this weekend that sounds so stupid there really are no words, but which is true all the same. I can finally be happy. I don't know if it was because my brother got married on Saturday (my mom's birthay) and that was the first joyful thing this family has had in a while, or if it's the summer sunshine, or if it's the freedom of not being so wrapped up in a dumb game it effects my moods, but something has finally resettled for me.
When I walked out to the car today to pick up my suitcase, it felt like fall. I know it's only June and in a month I will be mourning the loss of these days, but for now it's lovely. I love that I am still sleeping under warm covers at night but walking around in a tshirt during the day. I love having my windows open and smelling the fresh rain scented air or listening to the birds every morning.
I don't know, I'm just happy.
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[06 Apr 2009 | 1:23pm] |
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Good news: It's thunderstorming!
Bad News: It's opening day. Sorry, boys of summer, no game for you.
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| Woke up this morning |
[03 Apr 2009 | 7:27am] |
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the same as I wake up most mornings, to the cacophny of birds singing their lusty little hearts out. Oh, spring.
I miss Washington fiercly in the spring, probably the only time. I miss the cherry blossoms that have already bloomed. Instead I watch the slower, steadier signs of spring here -- the last melting patches of snow are finally gone, the bulb flowers (crocus, tulip) pushing through. The weather has been soft, fog and grey skys and kittenish wind, warm rain.
I am in the mood for quiet music, Astrud Gilberto, horns, warm tea. I need the comfort of routine that I don't have, not this week when worry keeps me up most nights, sleepless and staring.
Oh, well.
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| Oh livejournal |
[27 Mar 2009 | 1:02pm] |
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I'm still here, still reading, never commenting because I'm bad at that.
Today I'm cleaning the apartment before heading to my dad's for the weekend. Terry and Sarah are heading home and we're cooking a birthday dinner for the pater. I'm taking a break from cleaning to put some new music on the ipod to fall asleep to. I can't sleep without noise, and I don't bring my computer home with me on weekends. So, the iPod must be charged and loaded with new stuff! Plus podcasts of course.
I spent last night being awoken by drunk and hilarious texts. Ever since college I was DD quite a bit -- I'm not straight edge, I enjoy drinking occasionally, but I don't do it often. So I've always had a huge soft spot for my friends when they are drunk. It's like dealing with children, I tell you.
Oh, a weekend without my computer or email or anything. So happy. I will devour books and play smash with the sibs and all that.
Anyway, I better go shower and finish packing and cleaning.
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| Today |
[08 Mar 2009 | 11:30am] |
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Today I am reclaiming a number of things, including music. Because certain music is so evocative of the time that I first discovered it, I have a hard time listening to it again without being drowned in unwelcome and unwanted memories. No more...
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[01 Mar 2009 | 11:31am] |
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weatherunderground.com: 1inch today, 1inch tomorrow, total accumulation not more than 3 inches, lots of rain and sleet
weathercom: 4-6 inches today/tonight, 5-8 tomorrow. All snow with some sleet mixed in.
...
I mean, aren't they looking at the same maps? Sheesh. I trust wu a bit more than the weather channel, though.
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[15 Feb 2009 | 1:25am] |
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I fell asleep and woke up at this horrid hour, still heavy with sleep and discontent. My landlady and her family are off somewhere celebrating the long weekend, and everything is deathly still, aside from the mice scrabbling in the walls every now and again. My father says it's inevitable, mice in the walls on the cape, and that I shouldn't worry. I will worry when I see one or see evidence of one, however.
Regardless, 1:30 am and I'm awake and hurting. I have been trying so hard to be better, and for the most part I succeed. But late nights are for dark thoughts and right now I just feel like curling up and crying, as if I've suffered some great trauma and am not some stupid girl suffering from nothing whatsoever.
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| Signs it's going to be a GREAT day: |
[11 Feb 2009 | 7:41am] |
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Waking up at 6 and feeling wide awake and chipper! Not having that feeling fade away.
Listening to pandora and having Sun it Rises pop up as the first song:
the sun rising, dangling there
golden and fair in the sky.
Mmmmmm, content.
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